"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"
~ Author unknown

It seems as though tonight may be another night where my sleep is thrown off. I am not jittery tonight or filled with excitement, but I feel as though I needed to get some thoughts and feelings out. The quote above I found, because it seems as though others have so well expressed the way I feel. I like to search quotes for uplifting advice and motivation, today I found a little wisdom as well.
I am a very passionate person. I am learning this as I grow older. The things I sincerely care about in life take priority above all else, sometimes even my life and needs. Today I made a choice after talking with a few close friends, that I have to stand up for myself and take a step back. Although I absolutely love something, it takes a lot of my time and energy. Yet I have remained an option to them. I continued to excuse past situations but I have had enough and therefore have made the decision to stop. Stop trying to be passionate about what I love, when they do not feel the same.
I do not want to make a dramatic exit, but selfishly I do want them to experiencing what it will be like without me. My mentor has reminded me that I have to stick with putting my foot down, if I chose to put it down this time. So I have a draft saved in my email and want to make sure that I am absolutely ready to do it. Unfortunately there are a few people that will be effected by the situation who I do not wish to harm or stop seeing, but for me, I have to.
When you find the right person or situation it will be clear on both ends. This quote and my current situation, make it obvious that it is not meant to be. There is something and someone out there who will make me the priority if they are mine.
I know that I will have to shift around things, now that I will have a vacancy. But I have already been getting more involved with a few other areas of my life this week. I know that this is God's Will and that there is something better waiting for me.
I am not going to sit here and wonder what it is or when it will happen. All that I know right now is that I am hurt. It is hard to know that nothing you do or say can change the situation or feelings of another. So I am taking the hurt and learning that I do not wish to have any further in the future, which is why I need to open my options.
Life is about testing the waters, so why would you stay in the the pool that's been peed in?
It doesn't clear on it's own.