If Only..

A new beginning. Everyday you have another chance to start over. A lot of people may not believe this but it is true. You can chose to react differently and change in situations. I always thought that in order to have a new beginning I would have to have serious changes materialistically and/or geographically. I found that this is not true. Over the past month I have been able to re prioritize my life and it has been amazing. I have taken some altruistic movements, more so than the usual, and it has made all of the difference. There are people who will argue about people helping others do it for selfish reasons, I won't argue. For me it is true. I have to help people, so that I can not think about myself for a minute. I spend the majority of my time thinking about myself, unless I make it a point to put myself in places and make myself available to others. I wanted to write on this, because I did make a slight geographical change but noticed that my rewards have started already. It did not have to do with where I am geographically, it had to do with where I am physically and mentally.
I read a book that talked about altruism and the fact that it is based solely on the selfish attempting to validate themselves. I do have to disagree on this point. I have to help others in order to stay well. I do it for myself, but also because others have done it for me.
There are a lot of people who have a case of the 'if onlys' for example, "if only I had the job I wanted" "If only he/she liked me" "If only I lived in that town" The fact is that nothing material can make you better. You have to search outside of the physical and inside of yourself.
I used to think, "if Only I got out of this town, away from all of the people holding me back." And then I did, but the fact was I brought me. The sole person holding myself back from any success was the one I couldn't shake. I was convinced that the geographical situation, living with my parents with all these rules they made up just to make my life miserable, was why I was not happy. I was not Happy. ME, it had to do with me.
I went and made a bunch of friends who would validate me and say the things I wanted them to say, but at the end of the day, I would still lay my head down and hear me. Me saying that I was not good enough, smart enough, tough enough, Me telling me that"If only I had____(fill in the blank with anything), I could finally be happy."
I do not have the "If only's" today, because someone helped me to realize that I had to change. I had to change to be able to accept myself no matter the circumstances. Today I know that nothing in this world can be given or taken away from me that will make me accept who I am without having to thoroughly look. Life is good but not because I was given wonderful material success, but because I have friends and people who care about me. I try to live the best way I can each day. I have been lucky enough to recieve some physical and materialistic rewards, but it only happened after I stopped expecting. WHen you give with no expectation, that is when you recieve beautiful rewards.
Life is good today.