Starting Over

It is a weird feeling to know that everything will work out and yet have no idea how or when. Sometimes we think that we know what is supposed to happen and when it doesn't go as we plan, we get upset or depressed. I had a bit of a roller coaster ride today.
I remember when I was younger and was told that I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. I am pretty sure any one of us has heard that at some point in their childhoods. Well now, 24 years later, I still believe that. But here is the dilemma. I don't know what that is. I enjoy writing, obviously as many people do. But I enjoy a lot. It's weird because I know that I was not sent here on this earth to have a 'desk job.' Does that mean that I should get a blue collar job and be outside? Not necessarily.
I have faith in God and so I know that I am at this point for a reason. But I don't know where it is leading. I think that it may involve some more schooling, which is totally okay. Actually I would like to take another crack at school, because I really did not try to hard before.
If I could do anything or be anyone, I would be Tina Fey in the 30 Rock. I enjoy writing and I literally always think in television or movie comedic scenes. So I do not think that it would be too difficult to write comedy. But I am also intrigued by the idea of making your own schedule. The fact that you might have to pull all nighters every once in a while, but also could roll in around 10 or 11 am. But again this is TV.

I chose to major in theatre in college, because I knew that it was not a 'desk' career. I liked that fact that most of the hours would be in the evening and that it most likely would include traveling even if it was as little as errands during the day around the city. Some where along the way I forgot that. I think it was about 6 months after graduation and my college loams went into repayment. Now I also have several other bills on top of that and suddenly I am afraid to take a risk.
Jobs such as the ones that I have dreamed of, are not a sure thing. Usually no benefits(which would not be a changed from my existing job) but also that there is no guarantee of a steady work flow. Especially with toady's economy that is a humongous risk for someone to take.
But really, if I do not do something soon, I might never. I just don't want to look back in five years and think, what if. I mean yes I have an apartment and bills now, but at least I do not have a family to support and thankfully no drug habit, thank God.
So I guess I should conclude the rambling, not that anyone is reading. I like having this blog because I can write about things like this and when I am typing it makes me see clearer. Like today the lesson would be that if I am not willing to take the risk, why am I expecting the change? Now is the time.