Dancing with Myself

Everyone dances and sings into their bathroom mirror right? It's like an automatic roll back to pre teens, jumping on my bed with my purple karaoke machine in my hand, yelling into the microphone. I recently decided to treat myself to a couple songs that brought me back to the high school, one day I will be on stage singing these songs, days. And this afternoon I put on my headphones and gave one helluva show to my bathroom mirror. I have a hard time believing that every one hasn't at one point or another done the same thing. So now I am listening to my fav songs on Itunes and writing about how I think this ritual is important. It makes my soul smile. I still like to pretend what it would be like singing on stage in front of thousands of people. I haven't gotten past my mirror but I'm my biggest fan anyway ;)

I spend a lot of time walking around the city. During this time, I always think about different ways to recreate what is happening. Either by writing or a movie or something to capture the moments of my life. I think a lot about my past and how I want to make it neat and organized and in one place; again paper or film. I know it sounds very self-centered to spend that much time thinking about my biography and the different ways to force on other people, but I think about different stories too. I blogged last night and am again today because I have to get back to the rhythm of allowing my fingers to do the talking. Putting all of the images and movements in my mind, into words..I am hoping this will force me to type more than one paragraph when I reopen the word document that I started over a year ago and was convinced that I would have finished it by last summer. My walk today I thought about finishing this project and the fear that it may take several more years. In actuality it should only take a few months to get it all out and possibly another two or three to edit. But with extreme ability to procrastinate I could easily turn that into 5 years.

My therapist asked me to come up with two goals, right after the New Year. I told her I wanted to finish, or at least spend a significant amount of time, more, on writing and I also want to go back to school. After that statement I said, well I am going to back to school...after the marathon. It is true that I have very little time to myself with training but I once again have found another reason to procrastinate. I have to make my dreams into reality and that means action not thoughts. You, my blog friend, are helping me get to that. I WILL open that document today. (In the back of my mind I am already thinking, well right after you run 5 miles, and do your laundry and dishes) There will always be something else, but I NEED to do it! I WILL do it! Ahaha!!! Ok thanks BFF... Life is good today, the fact that my big decision is when to run and when to write and not where is dinner coming from and where will I be sleeping tonight is a gift that words will never be able to express fully. Privileged problems, privileged Situations :)