Good with where I'm at

I had one of my favorite lunches today; Egg salad w/ cheese and chips... SO good.. And then I read a little from my mystery novel. I have had the overwhelming need to go back to the meditation room that I stumbled upon last week. So I went and sat w my eyes closed for about 6 minutes. It is so weird that I don't realized how Off I am until I am on again.


>This was started yesterday, I had fruit for lunch today and I know that you all are dying of curiosity to how it was...Delicious<

So today has been strange but good. I have been kind of floating on through, which is wonderful.
It is amazing how when you no longer are searching for something it comes. I am at a point in my life where I am ABSOLUTELY sure that everything will work out. At times people ask me about where I see myself in a year or two years and I have no idea. The difference is that today I don't have anxiety because I have no idea where I will be, I have faith because I know it will be where ever I need to be. So I have been single for over 4 years now, which is a freaking long time. And the first year I spent, miserably making out with everything that would make a move. Obviously when I was not in a good state of mind. I am not too sure on how to feel about it, but it's the past and it is what it is. That year I was wanting so bad to have back what I had lost. The following year was well interesting to say the least. There were little to no men at all. During that period I spent alot of time insulting myself and trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I compared myself to every other woman in my vicinity and thought that I had nothing to offer myself or anyone else. And then I turned to God. I still had all of these negative feelings but some of my women friends suggested that I take advantage of the time I had alone to build a relationship with my Higher Power. So I prayed, ALOT. I walked and prayed, I shopped and prayed, and I worked and prayed.
I was put in the path of so many wonderful people and slowly I stopped comparing every little detail of my life to every person around me. I was able to see the beauty of the people right in front of me and they saw the beauty in me that I didn't even know existed.
Although I was praying and hanging with these wonderful people, it took alot of time and work to be able to love myself for who I am. Truly love myself, meaning not seeking anything outside of what I was given.
I am not here to say that I never seek comfort in outside things, because I am human. But I have changed my views on today and the future. I am ok with the fact that I live alone and I could for a very long time. I am grateful that I am not getting married right now, or did not right out of college like I dreamed of. Although I absolutely love that some of my friends have found their soul mates, it just was not my path and that is okay.
I used to think that I HAD to have kids. That is why I am here, that is what I thought. Get married, have kids, be the soccer mom..Today this is not the case. Although again I think all of those things would be great at some point, it may not happen. And that is okay. I am OK being alone and I am HAPPY.
I am convinced that this is transparent or that I am giving off the vibes that I am comfortable and happy with life today. And I was actually asked out this week. I have been dating people for the past year or two now, so it is not too new to me. But I think that I am actually attracting nicer men.. Now I know just by writing that I could be jinxing myself, but I am just a little surprised. I am not saying the men I have dated haven't been nice, because they have. They are great. But I have yet to find someone that I am physically and emotionally compatible with and I think that by no longer searching, it will eventually come. In God's time.
I just remembered last night I was walking home and I thought, I am going to be 25 soon, which means I have like 10 years to pop a baby out if I want one. Ten years is soon!!! So as much as I say I am not wanting or longing I still have reality check thoughts..
So to bring it back...I am perfect today with who I am and where I am. As perfect as one can be, in this minute..I just ate a bunch of candy so I will prob be a little uncomfortable in a minute, but spiritually I'm straight :)