Going through the motions

So today I went through the motions. I am not happy with where I am today. Don't get me wrong I am still learning lessons but lately it is like, this i show people end up in dead end jobs, because they get comfortable and they stop trying to get something better. Sometimes I wish that I can take 2-6 months off and go to another country, possibly a small village and live. Just to see what I can offer others and the things that they could teach me. Hippies had the right idea. Just live with nature. I know that GOd will take care of me, what I have to do is make sure that I am available for him to use me. But when I think of Material possessions or financial situations I cut that conscious contact off. There is a difference between avoiding growing up and not allowing financial possessions to run your life. And I think this has been my most reent lesson. SOmetimes I pretend that if I do nothing at all, life will just happen without my input(by this I mean if I dont pay my bills or show up where I have committed to be) But in reality people get mad, the bills pile up and eventually need to be paid and even though I pretend not to care, the stress does build.
i have been reffering to my state as the guy from office space, after he gets hypnotized. In actuality I am that guy 45% of the time and the other 55% I am wondering why no one else cares or even tries to get their work done.
SO as I was walking out of work today I was listening to John Mayer's "Stop this Train" And I started to walk in slow motion, just numb. I know that I need change. I am going to make a gratitude list before I go to bed,because for the few things that I have to feel disconcerted about I have 20 times that to rejoice. In reality, Im lucky to be alive, let alone where I am today, it trely is a miracle.
I have to always remember that life today is a gift and Im not one to exchange it or wish for a different size or color. SO I will embrace what has been giving me this day, and be greatful that I can have that option. I will continue to pray on the slight put backsI am experiencing that are causing the numb emotions and confusion.
I am going to visit a friend tomorrow night, who's baby son is in the hospital. This baby was the first experience Ive had holding, feeding, and caring for an infant, I wish we all didn't have to see him in the ICU, but Life is not suppose to make sense. I will continue to pray for the understanding of situations like this. WHen I think about real issues like My friend's situation my uncomfort is miniscule.
I am continuing to learn, and trying more to listen.